It iz fini, Madame.

It iz finished. I'm finally over that pathetic impossible love phase.

Only one thing I can say, 'bout bloody time. Really, I'm ashamed to think what a mess I've been on the emotional side for the past few weeks.

How I can be so sure?
Let's just say that I saw the guy and didn't feel the stupid pang of yearning any more. It seems my mind has come to terms with the fact the impossible does not happen, unless it's possible and trust me, this is just so phantasmally phantasmagorially impossible that doubt does not exist. Comparing it to last month's thoughts it seems unbelievable, but I'm just happy to let him be. Amazing that it stopped like that.

Makes one wonder if I was in love with the guy or in love we the idea of being in love. It's bound to happen when your fellow teenage girls spend the majority of their time talking about it and the majority of the songwriters advertising the 'wonderful feeling' (and there you go, now Flashdance's 'What a Feeling' is stuck in my head).

It kind of worries me that I'm unable to make the difference. This is gonna sound very melodramatic (hey! it's weird long word day!) but what if I meet my soul mate (yes, yes, that's cheesy) and I get that feeling again and dismiss it as 'oh no, my mind wants to be in love' while I actually am in love?

How do you know that you're in love? Let's face it, the popularly advertised symptoms are far from clear. 'You think of him/her all the time, he/she is constantly on your mind'. I know people whose stomach are constantly on their mind. 'When you're near him/her, you feel like the rest of the world has vanished.' Oh yeah? Even when crossing the street? My, my, lovers must be an endangered species. And let's not even mention the 'butterflies in your belly' myth. I feel that when my digestion is getting grumpy.

And the most irritating thing of all is 'When it happens, you'll know.' No, I won't! That's why I'm asking! D'you really think I'd bother asking if it's to get that kind of an answer?

Besides, what good is it to feel all those things and end up with a one-sided love affair, feeling miserable for months like a... no actually two friends of mine. I think the girl (one of two) has it worse though, 'cause she got a taste of it before the guy back-pedalled. Not interested in relationships at the time, or something like that. I was kind of honoured when she told me, because even if she's a very outgoing girl, what's deep she keeps to herself. She told me her story, I told her mine, and altogether we had a very satisfying drama-swap.

Right now, all I understand from what I've heard are the innumerable 'love is such a torture' songs. Because I've been miserable. Utterly miserable, stupid and totally not myself. And it's not even a sweet torture, it's just an elaborate mind fuckery.

What really doesn't bring us one step closer to the heart of the issue: how do you know you're in love? Don't know the answer. Don't wanna keep asking the question. So I won't. It iz finished, I'm gonna focus on more enjoyable things from now on. Like knowledge. And food! Yes, definitely like food. Speaking of food, today's Candlemas! We should eat crêpes (which are like pancakes, but better)! Apparently, if you can flip one with a frying pan while holding a coin in the other hand, your family is assured prosperity throughout the year.

If you do it while holding heart-shaped candy, is it assured love?


(Yes, this whole post was a monstrous massive cheese attack)