Badder

Can anybody tell me why I am such a nice kid?

Seriously. What is it? Upbringing? Social circle? Neighbourhood? The stupid genes that have already fucked the rest of my life up? (Save for my brains. Whatever those are good for anyway.)

No really, I am such a nice kid that when I shout through class (which is like my ultimate act of anarchy) because I'm in the middle of a verbal/intellectual duel with pain-in-the-ass Bas (I'd like to let it be known that I won. Because my ego is like that.) I actually feel the need to go excuse myself at the end of the lesson ánd the teacher almost thanks me for it.

I'm such a nice kid to nice kids that I rat out bad kids. Yeah, shoot me. Like I care.




I wanna be badass, dammit.

I wanna get into a fistfight. Haven't done that since 6th grade, and I remember it relieved a lot of pressure to rip the stupid little prick a few of his precious buzz cut black hairs from his head. I still remember rolling around on the concrete, pulling and pushing and throwing half-arsed punches around 'till the ladies who were supposed to be watching us got us apart.


I must have looked a sight.


I remember I was breathing unnecessarily hard through my nose, which must have make me sound like a snorting horse. My glasses were askew and my face rated 9 out of 10 on the redness scale.

I was truly angry. And I don't remember why.


But what I remember best of all was the feeling. It was glorious, no matter that none of us had won or lost, I had bitch-slapped the annoying little fucker that was AD.


I want that feeling back. I haven't felt euphoria in ages. Then again, if I needed to be truly angry to get in a fight, it's logic I haven't fought in the last 6 years. I never got past the stage of  'supremely irritated'.

So, I wanna show some real fisticuffs. Big deal. Don't think I'm ever gonna get an occasion to that.


And I will leave the school with a blank record at the end of the year, missing my only good resolution I wanted to accomplish. I suck.



Help me, people! I'm seriously clueless and need to get in detention for something other than being late before the end of the school year!


I am so uncool. *Sigh*

Well I guess that crap is genetic too.


PS: Here are some more wanna be badasses like me. Not that the original ever was.