Looking for a morphing. Me ==> a real somebody

Jack Adams (a hockey player, but that doesn't really matter) said this about advice.

If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if you can use either one, it's a miracle.

I'm still gonna need yours.

This is a question to people who have already seen me live.

What the fuck is wrong with the way I look? Seriously, what is it? The clothes, the haircut, the overweight? It'd be a lot easier to do something about it if I knew what it was. And if it's the combination of the three and even more, which it probably is, pray tell me where I should start the adjustments.

There must be something wrong. Question for you, Great Red Haired Dance Machine, did I imagine it or did your almost-but-not-quite best buddy cringe when he was paired up with me for salsa? That was a lame-ass excuse for getting out that he used, and you could see and smell the flight reflex of the boy. Everybody saw it, hell, even I got it and God knows I'm not good at reading people.

Seriously, I have a problem. I'm a 17 year old overweight girl whom people almost always identify as her brother on the phone (yes, even my parents), and who keeps getting called 'young man' by polite strangers. I don't even correct them any more. What's the use, it's not like I'm gonna be seeing them again.

Soon, my Alzheimer suffering neighbour will start confusing me with my dad or her dead husband or something.

Seriously, what should I do? I admire androgyny, but it's not something I want for myself -- certainly when it's not on purpose.

I guess the first thing my mother would say is go shopping. Then it would be lose weight. I think she's given up on the hair a long while ago.

I think her ideal plan for me 'd be have me lose weight, drag me of shopping and then teach me good posture. Apparently I walk around slumped all the time and one day I'll look like Quasimodo.


Fuck me, who knows, it might even be an improvement.